For the Australian man who looks like he has everything under control but is quietly wondering how much longer he can keep going.

Let’s be honest with each other for a minute.

You are good at holding things together.

You have probably been doing it for years. Keeping the plates spinning. Making the difficult calls. Meeting deadlines. Supporting your family. Showing up for your team and being the person everyone can rely on.

Most of the time, you do it well.

But lately, something may feel different.

Perhaps the weight of it all is beginning to catch up with you. Maybe a rough patch has lasted longer than you expected. You might be feeling exhausted, disconnected, irritable or emotionally flat.

You may even have had thoughts that frightened you, thoughts you would never normally say out loud because men like you are expected to handle things.

This article is for you.

The first thing I want you to know is that you are not as alone as it may feel right now.

Need help immediately?
If you believe you may harm yourself or someone else, call Triple Zero (000) now or go to the nearest emergency department. You can also call Lifeline on 13 11 14, text 0477 13 11 14, or call the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467. These services are available 24 hours a day.

Why I Am Writing This

Over the past two weeks, I have spoken with five people who were either experiencing suicidal thoughts or had been directly affected by suicide.

Five people in two weeks.

I have been sitting with what that means.

What does it say about the pain people are carrying privately? What does it say about the difference between how someone appears on the outside and what is really happening underneath?

And what does it say about the conversations we are still not having?

I do not have a simple answer. Suicide is complex, and every person’s circumstances are different.

What I do know is that if these conversations are appearing so frequently in my world, they are likely happening in yours too.

We need to keep talking about this openly, carefully and honestly.

The Numbers We Cannot Ignore

The latest Australian Bureau of Statistics data paints a confronting picture.

In the preliminary 2024 figures, 2,529 Australian men died by suicide. That is an average of almost seven men every day.

Men represented 76.5% of all suicide deaths recorded in those preliminary figures.

Men aged 40 to 44 accounted for the largest proportion of male suicide deaths, while men aged 60 to 64 experienced the largest increase in their age-specific suicide rate between 2023 and 2024.

These are not simply statistics.

They represent fathers, partners, sons, brothers, friends, colleagues, managers and business owners.

Many were men in the middle of their working and family lives. Some may have appeared successful, reliable and completely in control.

That is part of what makes this conversation so important.

Struggling does not always look like falling apart.

Sometimes it looks like turning up to work, answering emails, leading meetings, paying the bills and making sure everyone else is okay.

The Pressure Nobody Really Talks About

There is a particular kind of pressure that can come with being a capable, high-achieving man.

People need things from you.

They look to you for answers. They trust you to remain calm, make decisions and deal with whatever happens next.

Somewhere along the way, you may have absorbed the belief that being the strong one is simply part of who you are.

You are the capable one.

The dependable one.

The one who handles it.

The difficulty comes when things become hard internally and there is nowhere obvious to put what you are feeling.

You may not feel able to let the mask slip at work. You do not want to worry your partner or family. Talking honestly with a mate can feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable.

You catch up, have a laugh, talk about work or the footy and then go home carrying exactly what you were carrying before.

So you keep going.

You tell yourself to push through, stay busy and give it time.

Sometimes things do improve. But when you carry something heavy completely alone, it often becomes harder to see a way forward.

When Pushing Through Stops Working

Burnout is real, but sometimes what a person is experiencing goes beyond ordinary stress or burnout.

It may feel like a flatness that does not lift.

Things that once mattered may stop feeling important. You may become disconnected from your partner, children, friends or even your own sense of identity.

You might notice:

• Exhaustion that sleep does not resolve
• Increasing irritability or anger
• Withdrawing from people
• Drinking or using other substances more frequently
• Feeling trapped or hopeless
• Believing that other people would be better off without you
• Thinking about disappearing, dying or ending your life

Experiencing any of these things does not mean you are weak, broken or beyond help.

It means you are dealing with something that deserves care and support.

Willpower alone is not always enough. Nor should it have to be.

When the Thoughts Become Darker

When emotional pain becomes intense, the mind can make the future feel closed off.

It can seem as though the pain will never change, nobody will understand and there is no realistic way through.

The pain is real. The sense that nothing can change may feel completely convincing.

But that feeling is not proof that your future is fixed.

Circumstances can change. Treatment and support can help. Problems that feel impossible to face alone can become more manageable when another person is helping you carry them.

You do not need to solve your whole life tonight.

You only need to take the next step that keeps you here.

That might mean calling someone, walking into an emergency department, handing your car keys or medication to a trusted person, or saying the words:

“I am not safe on my own right now.”

You do not need to make it sound polished. You simply need to let someone know.

Why Men Often Find It Difficult to Ask for Help

Many men have spent decades receiving direct and indirect messages about how they are expected to cope.

Stay strong.

Do not complain.

Sort it out yourself.

Do not burden anyone.

She’ll be right.

Over time, these ideas can make asking for help feel like an admission of failure.

Australian research into men’s access to health services has identified several barriers, including discomfort discussing emotions, minimising problems, stigma and the fear that seeking help will be perceived as weakness or vulnerability.

These beliefs can be powerful, but they are not facts.

Needing support does not cancel out your competence, experience or strength.

You can be successful and still need help.

You can be the person others rely on and still reach your own limit.

You can love your family and still struggle to feel connected.

You can be grateful for your life and still find parts of it unbearable.

Two things can be true at the same time.

What Real Strength Looks Like

Real strength is not carrying everything silently until something breaks.

It is recognising when you have reached the limit of what one person can reasonably manage alone.

It is making the phone call.

Booking the appointment.

Telling your partner what has really been going on.

Saying to a mate:

“I’m not doing well, and I need some help.”

You have probably made difficult decisions before. You have had uncomfortable conversations and faced situations you would rather have avoided because they needed to be dealt with.

This may be one of those moments.

Only this time, the difficult thing is asking for help rather than forcing yourself to keep going without it.

Where to Start

You do not need to understand everything you are feeling before you reach out.

You do not need a diagnosis, the right language or a clear plan.

Start with one step.

Tell One Person

Choose someone you trust.

It might be your partner, a mate, a sibling, a colleague or another family member.

You could say:

“I haven’t been myself lately, and I think I need some support.”

Or:

“Things are worse than I’ve been letting on.”

Or simply:

“I’m not okay.”

You do not have to explain everything in the first conversation.

The purpose of that first conversation is to stop carrying it in complete isolation.

Speak to Your GP

A general practitioner can be a practical starting point.

Your GP can discuss what you have been experiencing, assess your immediate safety, explore treatment options and connect you with appropriate mental health services.

When booking, you can ask for a longer appointment so you have enough time to talk.

You could begin by saying:

“My mental health has been getting worse, and I’m worried about where my thoughts are going.”

That is enough to start the conversation.

Contact a Crisis Support Service

Sometimes speaking with someone who does not know you personally feels easier.

You can contact:

• Lifeline: Call 13 11 14 or text 0477 13 11 14
• Suicide Call Back Service: Call 1300 659 467
• MensLine Australia: Call 1300 78 99 78
• Beyond Blue: Call 1300 22 4636 or use its online counselling service

These services provide free or confidential support and are available 24 hours a day.

Work With a Mental Health Professional

Ongoing support from a psychologist, counsellor, therapist or another qualified mental health professional can give you a private space to understand what is happening beneath the pressure.

You can explore the patterns, circumstances and experiences that may be contributing to how you feel.

The purpose is not to judge you or tell you to simply think more positively.

It is to help you feel supported, understand what you are experiencing and begin finding a safer way forward.

You Do Not Have to Wait for Rock Bottom

One of the most damaging beliefs about mental health is that you need to be in complete crisis before you are entitled to support.

You do not.

You do not need to wait until your relationship is falling apart.

You do not need to wait until you cannot work.

You do not need to wait until the thoughts become unbearable.

Support can begin while you are still functioning.

It can begin while you are still showing up, going to meetings and getting things done.

Reaching out early does not mean you are overreacting.

It means you have recognised that something needs your attention.

One Last Thing

Perhaps you are reading this and thinking:

This is not really about me. I’m fine.

Maybe you are.

Maybe you are thinking about sending it to a mate who has seemed quieter lately.

Or perhaps something here landed closer to home than you expected.

Either way, remember this:

Silently carrying everything until something breaks is not strength.

It is isolation wearing a tough exterior.

The men who find a way through are not necessarily the ones who can endure the most pain. They are often the ones who eventually allow someone else to see what is happening.

They make the call.

They attend the appointment.

They tell the truth.

They stay.

And mate, we need you to stay.

Mental Health and Crisis Support in Australia

If you or someone you know needs support:

Emergency services: Call 000 if there is an immediate danger to life.

Lifeline Australia: Call 13 11 14 or text 0477 13 11 14, 24 hours a day.

Suicide Call Back Service: Call 1300 659 467, 24 hours a day.

MensLine Australia: Call 1300 78 99 78, 24 hours a day.

Beyond Blue: Call 1300 22 4636 or access online counselling, 24 hours a day.

These services should be contacted before coaching or other non-crisis support when someone is experiencing immediate danger or suicidal intent.

This article provides general information and emotional support. It is not a replacement for emergency assistance, medical care, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified mental health professional.

Sources

• Australian Bureau of Statistics, Intentional Self-Harm (Suicide) Deaths, 2024
• Australian Government Department of Health, Men’s and Boys’ Barriers to Health System Access
• Lifeline Australia
• Suicide Call Back Service
• MensLine Australia
• Beyond Blue